Suffering

Praise our God, O peoples,
Let the sound of his praise be heard;
He has preserved our lives
And kept our feet from slipping.
For you, O God, tested us;
You refined us like silver.
You brought us into prison
And laid burdens on our backs.
You let men ride over our heads;
We went through fire and water,
But you brought us to a place of abundance.
-Psalm 66:8-12

My life has been blessed by a remarkable lack of physical suffering. I've had stitches once, broken a bone once, never been hungry except by choice, and only been cold or exposed to harsh elements temporarily. Mental, emotional and spiritual suffering are another story, but even so, as a wise man once said to me, "things could be better, but they could be a whole lot worse, too."

The limited suffering I have experienced, (and this may sound odd, but) I actually kind of liked. No, I'm not a masochist. Yet, just as suggested in the Psalm above, the refining effect of suffering makes the experience worthwhile - especially once the suffering is over! It makes us more sympathetic and understanding of others' struggles, and accordingly less judgmental. It also hones our priorities, urging us to discard those things that really don't matter and cling more strongly to the things that really do. Intense suffering also helps me to accept that my time on earth will indeed come to an end, and makes me yearn all the more for eternal life in heaven.

But that is when it's me. As for seeing my loved ones suffer...no, that I don't like at all. I can't think of anything worse. In over ten years of marriage and almost ten years of fatherhood, I have seen my wife and daughters suffer many times. The experience is agony. The feeling of helplessness burns like fire, since many times there has been little I could do.

These are the times when, for me, questions arise like, "Where is God?", and "How could a loving God allow this?"

I know the stock Christian answers like, "It's because of our own sin that this suffering has come upon us," or "Well, it's actually the devil causing the problems, and God is just allowing it to prove a point, as in the story of Job."

These points have validity, I suppose.

I heard a recently deceased radio preacher put it this way (when he was still alive): "Is there suffering in your life? Is there heartache? Is there sorrow? Is there pain? There is? Good. Because that's the silken thread that God will use to draw you closer to Him."

He's right. When everything is coming up roses, we might not think about God as much as we should. But this I know for certain; when my wife found that lump in her breast, or my little girl ate the wrong kind of nut and her airway closed up, I thought about God real quick.

I don't know... I don't really have any answers...

One more thing though...even if you are not a Christian, consider this idea. What would it feel like to be an all-powerful being, with infinite love, and to see your child suffer... not just suffer, but be brutally beaten, humiliated and systematically tortured until he died. And with all the power and strength and might in the universe at your fingertips, to still voluntarily stand back and watch it happen...to let it happen...so that the child's suffering and death could substitute for the judgment you wanted to bring down on the rest of us for brazenly flouting your laws?

What would that feel like? Was there a split second when God might have hesitated and considered calling the whole thing off?

Does He really love us that much?